1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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