I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
