you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sext me about skeletons
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
