youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
