remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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