I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
