she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we're making bets on your personal life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
