i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
