i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
