I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
