Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
