There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
