I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
