You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
