Where did you get a picture of my penis
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
