it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
