please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
