I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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