I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
