booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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