Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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