You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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