Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
this hospital has no fireball
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
