This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
