Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
