You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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