i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
