The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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