"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
