so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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