I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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