non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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