He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
