I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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