My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
