she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you made out with another girl for some wings
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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