i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
