You smell like stripper and shame
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
