1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
