I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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