If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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