You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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