Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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