You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
