Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
