And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
porn star boner night. come get it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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