Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
