Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
