allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
