Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
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Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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