I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
