we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
