Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
