So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
