Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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