On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
