I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The air was thick with penises
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
