these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
