Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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