My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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