I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she told me i tasted like america
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
