when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
