oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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