I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
