Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
