in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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