i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
