Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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