Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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