I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
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No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
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i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
soo... how was my night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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