sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
