He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
