well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
