what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
