god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
