Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Fuck appropriateness.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
